Living life in fear is horrible 3:17 AM
The fear of my brain being too tired tomorrow, and work therefore being extremely painful3:19 AM
Are there quotes about fear being the root of all evil?
There is nothing to fear but fear itself
it is healthy to be flexible. you will be ok

That is the reference point, they are telling us that fear is the origin
and all you have is distances from the origin, different lengths of fear
Also derivatives and integrals(area of fear) apply to fear mathematics
Isn't it weird how we start making memories before we even know that we make our own memories?

That my friend, is our one downfall3:24 AM

they are all constructed and contextual and subjective3:24 AM

Yeah, so we're on the prowl of naming and organizing them better, to help point us in the right direction
But we're like kindergarten girls soccer games, just run around chasing the ball3:26 AM

Do you ever think of those floating flowers? The ones that you can blow on and the little seedlings blow off into the wind everywhere?

How nice it might be to be a flower, rather than an animal who is "dead" and "alive", feels pain

how do you know that flowers don't feel pain?

I don't know that : /
I'd like to think they don't, is all...

So funny how sometimes you can think you're having the most profound thoughts, and when you go back to read, sometimes they really are profound, and other times they are just dumb as hell
Wow, the human species is really the closest thing to making life safe for each other
but we still do crazy shit like bomb each other
Out.of.fear.


world slows down enough, aka I slow down enough, for me and the world are one thing, one experience. 

There are still these two states of mind, visuals that I cannot separate from me, they must be based on some kinds of assumptions I made about the world earlier in life when I didn't know I had freedom in choosing how to experience everything.
One is a helpless feeling, like my insides are screaming. When I feel helpless, don't know what to do next, don't know how to move forward. A panic. Overwhelmed. Like when I read my neural network assignment, sat down to try doing it, which I had already somewhat dreaded because I knew it wouldn't be straightforward like those nice perfectly templated Algebra1 problems in a book. Do the odd problems, write em out nicely, turn it in. No, big problmes, where you have to take a step back and figure out how to start understanding what the damn problem is in the first place. Those are painful. And I still freak out. But I caught myself sooner this time, because I had been slowed down from smoking weed the last few days, stopped working out in the morning so I'm forced to sit with myself, learn how to re-find myself in the morning.


The other feeling, it comes from this visual. Where I'm in the forest, last person alive, I have to decide how to go about my days, my life, that moment, escaping from that moment only to get to another. I picture myself "TRYING" to appreciate the scenery around me, "TRYING" to listen to the sounds, "TRYING" to feel the sun on me, I feel a physical feeling of sick in me, my heart. After letting myself go through these visuals, I feel disconnected again, like I used to all the time, my thoughts, my consciousness completely disconnected from me. It is the most empty deflating feeling I know of. It is the one I must face. It is my demon.


How to be selfish in nature:


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